Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape….Sometimes the surprise is the opposite one; you are presented with exactly the same sort of country you thought you had left behind miles ago.
C. S. Lewis in “A Grief Observed”
Every grief response is unique. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are some common reactions. Grief will affect you physically as well as emotionally. There are no set stages of grief and reactions can surprise you and come in waves that you cannot control.
Grief reactions may include:
- Feeling empty, numb or in shock
- Sadness and depressed mood
- Anger with yourself, the person who died, or with God or someone you felt was responsible for the death
- Guilt about something you did or did not do, real or imagined
- Relief, especially if you were taking care of your loved one and he/she was suffering, or if you had a difficult relationship. Relief can also lead to guilt, but it is OK to feel relief.
- Withdrawal: you may not want to talk to people, see other family or go back to work
- Difficulty focusing, making decisions and feeling overwhelmed
- Questioning your beliefs, your purpose and the meaning of life
- Anxiety
- Irritability
- Grief attacks or outbursts: these may be triggered suddenly by something you see or hear that reminds you of your loved one
- Fear: you may also have real fears that result from your loss, but grief can also feel like fear
You may grieve differently from others who experienced a similar loss
Physical reactions may include:
- Nausea, loss of appetite and dry mouth
- Overeating
- Headaches
- Chest or stomach pain
- ‘Brain Fog’ such as trouble concentrating and forgetfulness
- Fatigue and lack of energy
- Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
Physical reactions are normal and they don’t mean you are sick. However, grief and the stress it causes can take its toll on your physical and mental health. Try to rest and eat a healthy diet. If you have chronic health problems that could be affected, talk to your healthcare provider about your symptoms. Sometimes people need their medications adjusted while grieving.
Loss of a loved one can also result in secondary losses, such as loss of income or loss of parenting support. There are many factors that can intensify grief and the grief journey can be a long process. Sometimes grief counseling or therapy is needed intermittently or continuously for support.
Remember that you may grieve differently from others who experienced a similar loss, and sometimes women and men grieve in very different ways. Grief can even cause conflict in your family. It is important to seek help if talking openly with one another does not resolve this.
There are many different WAYS TO COPE that can help you through this difficult journey.